HOW TO DEAL WITH TICKS

Well. In my opinion the best thing to do if you find a large lump on your cat or dog is to throw your pet away and start again.

My friends are always going on about finding ticks on their dogs. I imagined it was like a louse. Small unattractive innocuous crawly thing that could be squeezed between fingernails in a satisfying way to the death.

But no. We found a lump on my cat. I thought it was a cancerous growth. My daughter said it was a tick. We googled it and she was right. "Tick" is SO not the right word for this creature. IT'S REVOLTING. Like something out of a horror film. HUGE fat albino body engorged with blood. It's so bloated that you can't even see it's head anymore - just lots of little legs sticking out of it. It was the size of a pea.

Instructions to remove were as follows:-

Wear gloves.

Use tweezers. Make sure you grasp it as close to the head as possible and do not twist. Just pull straight out. Important not to leave the head imbedded in the skin.

Put the creature straight into alcohol. It will be dead within 10 minutes.

It was curiously satisfying to watch this revolting creature slowly die from alchohol poisoning.

My mother, on the other hand was horrified. "Darling, get a grip. When we lived in Africa I was always removing them and do you remember when your brother had all those maggots in his head". She was the pinnacle of calm until I told her that my choice of eradication was death by alcohol:-

"You used what?"
VODKA????
WHAT A WASTE!!
You won't be able to drink that vodka now it's got a tick in it.
"I wasn't planning on drinking it, it's only an inch, I'm going to throw it away"
"Throw it away! What a waste! How ridiculous.

IN FUTURE ALWAYS USE BOILING WATER.

"Oh. OK then. Calm down - get a grip yourself"

Then my teenage son appeared.

"OMG Where did you get that bottle of vodka?
Can I have it?
You haven't wasted any on that creature have you?

Good grief.

I am surrounded by alcoholics.

Here, in all it's glory is what it looked like. Just so you know:-

BRING BACK "SESAME STREET"

There was an online article about Sesame Street yesterday. I hadn't realised that it was a UK decision to simply stop showing it here. I have taken some of the article to include in this post:-

It's one of the most popular children's TV programmes in history, so WHY can we not watch it here?

I was brought up on Sesame Street because we lived in Hong Kong. It is without doubt the best children's television going. It's funny, inclusive, educational, clever and topical. Few children's programmes have enjoyed such global popularity.

Today, Sesame Street is broadcast in about 140 countries and works on a franchise basis - with local versions that focus on particular cultural perspectives. A condition of its foreign licensing is that non-US versions of the show reflect the morals and traditions of the host nation. So Sesame characters have been used to promote HIV awareness in South Africa, bridge the sectarian divide in Belfast and teach youngsters in the Middle East about tolerance.

And why is the BBC still not interested?
The controller of six-and-unders channel CBeebies, Michael Carrington, says it has other shows which cover similar learning themes and values.

"It's television's most organic show, always looking for new developments in education and culture. I'm also impressed by the way the show has travelled and created adaptations to reflect the needs of other cultures. It's one of America's finest exports."

A look at the list of guests for the forthcoming 41st season suggests there are still names with some international appeal - actresses Sarah Jessica Parker and Eva Longoria, and comedians Ricky Gervais and Adam Sandler.
Previously the likes of Billy Joel, Kofi Annan and Beyonce have graced the street, to the delight of parents. Comedian Robin Williams appeared six times, including a memorable appearance in 2000 telling Elmo some imaginative uses of a stick.

Tim Teeman, television critic at the Times, says he loved it as a child.
"I don't know if I learnt anything but I felt like I was learning something. If you grew up in a boring, white British environment, it showed you a place with black faces, different cultures and creeds and people living together in harmony.
"It was the first time I ever saw New York and it looked like this really cool place. This street where everyone knew each other's names. It introduced all kinds of things to kids, like community, getting along with different kinds of people and learning about issues."

Part of its success was due to the way it did not talk down to children, says Mr Teeman.
"We had Blue Peter, which was like learning at the feet of a very strict headmistress. Children are talked down to on Blue Peter - 'Do this and do that and this is what we've learned' but Sesame Street says 'Come on in, we're all the same here'
"This notion of equality about age, race and gender is great because as a child, there are so many barriers between you and the adult world."

But homegrown global successes, such as the Teletubbies, probably contributed to its demise, he says. British television simply became adept at making such shows and stopped looking to America for inspiration.
"Also, kids are a bit more knowing now, so would probably think 'Who's that annoying Big Bird?'
"The great genius of Jim Henson and his workshop was that they made something that doesn't date, in my opinion, but maybe for today's generation of children they want something quicker and flashier.
"Sesame Street has a DIY aesthetic, which I love, but people don't identify with that any more."

I don't agree. I think our children should still be able to watch it.

BRING IT BACK.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY GORGEOUS DAUGHTER

So we are rapidly heading for a collision of magnificent proportions in my household. My new fourteen year old daughter's raging hormones mixed with my menopausal ones. What a scary combination that will be.

I think she had a lovely day. It all went well. She opened her presents with her family all present, although older brother was barely there (virtually asleep on table) and offering lots of useful comments:-

"A BAG? Why do you want a bag. It's exactly like all your other bags".

"A BOOK on make-up? OMG That must be the most boring book on the planet. Why would anybody want to read that?"

and she'd even given him strict instructions on what to buy her....some sort of make-up with a specific name:

"What do you mean I bought the wrong one - surely "Warm Sand" and "Warm Ivory" are the same?

Her lovely 9 year old brother had bought her four things, all bought by himself and carefully wrapped and he'd made another wonderful cake:-



She had a great day at school. They all sang Happy Birthday to her at lunchtime. I had to walk across a park to meet her after her netball match. I saw her walking towards me - she was a tiny dot in the distance and it just brought all the memories of her being a tiny newborn baby flooding back and I got all emotional about it and so in order to compose myself again as she got closer I started doing a little run towards her - arms outstretched interlaced with little star jumps and side kicks just to really really embarrass her and finally, slightly out of breath when I reached her she said "mum. You're SOOO cute", which wasn't the response I was expecting.

She'd had loads of handmade cards from all her friends at school. Girls of that age are so caring and thoughtful and emotional. One friend must have written her name out 200 times, they all said variations of "OMG, you are the bestest, most beautiful, funny, gorgeous friend in the whole wide world and I love you SOOOO much, you will be my friend forever and u r just so special and so on and so forth. Weird.

Our evening meal out worked well too. My newly married brother and sister-in-law came and diffused all the stress. My ex husband and I managed to engage in several conversations relatively successfully. There were 9 of us in total. I was a bit cross that he made me pay for the whole thing. I thought we should have shared it. Anway. Nevermind. She has two friends here to stay the night and I think she's happy, happy, happy.

LIAR LIAR PANTS ON FIRE

This really is all very tedious. Here I am trying to keep the wolves from the door but no matter how many bolts/locks/planks of wood/bits of cotton wool in ears/LA LA LA'S I use, Deeply Unpleasant Stuff is still getting through. Oozing in. Under the floorboards, through the airways, out of the mouths of my children. It is impossible to avoid. This "situation" of mine. IT JUST WON'T BLOODY GO AWAY.

I had the most monumental row with my ex husband yesterday. It seems so sad. We were actually getting on quite well at the beginning of the year. It has now gone spectacularly wrong.

Our argument started as a fairly typical divorce issue. A tug-of-war over a child for their birthday attention.
It's my daughter's birthday tomorrow. He is coming over in the morning for breakfast to watch her open her presents and I have invited him out for dinner tomorrow night with all of us. Two days ago he announced that he also wanted to take her out on his own and that he'd like to have her stay the night with him and wake up at his house for her birthday.

"NO BLOODY WAY" was my immediate reaction. Which was a natural but not very reasonable response. So. I tried to be more grown up about it. I decided that this was not an appropriate or fair response and that it would be great for him to have her wake up at his house for her birthday. So I asked her what she wanted to do. She immediately said she wanted to wake up in her own bed at my house. "Fine" I said and passed the message on. Unfortunately when she spoke to him, because she didn't want to upset him she told him that I was the one who wanted her to stay at my house. Great. Thanks. Understandable, but not very helpful and I was put in a very difficult position.

He rang me about it and was cross. He told me that I should be more supportive. I told him that I hadn't influenced her decision and that we had to recognise that children say different things to each parent in an effort to keep the peace and that she had wanted to stay here (which frankly was bloody obvious - she's a 14 year old girl who wants her own bed). He disagreed. He called me a liar. He said "given everything that's been going on I don't believe you. I'm sorry".

"Everything that's been going on" turned out to be a reference to my previous relationship with Builder Bloke. Because, although he's never met him, he rants on and on about him as if he is the most evil, devious, lying, should burn in hell man on the planet.

I objected to being called a liar and so it kicked off.

First I told him that I didn't think he was in any position to accuse another man of lying when he'd lied constantly to me over a period of time whilst he was having his affair and that in my opinion lies don't get much worse than that.

Then after he told me he'd only had an affair because I had been "such a shit" in our marriage, we moved on to his new relationship and how it was affecting everything. I told him that I was feeling pretty pissed off with life. That because of his ongoing relationship with Builder Bloke's ex wife he had successfully managed to ruin my life for the second time as I am now on my own again. He laughed and told me that I had been told that by BB - that they were clearly not my own thoughts.

He also said he'd "done me a favour" because he is such an appalling man.

HE'S NEVER MET HIM.

I am F*CKING FURIOUS. I am trying very hard to rise above it all but there are so many influences that just keep dragging us all back down into the mud.

All I asked him to do was be aware of how I felt. I asked him to acknowledge that I was finding the whole situation difficult and that there was no getting away from it for me because of the children's involvement. He refused to do that. He honestly seems to think that his relationship is irrelevant to the situation we currently all find ourselves in. I'm glad I've told him how I feel but don't think for a minute that he'll be able to see my point of view.

I accused him of being totally blinkered and selfish and that all I wanted was a bit of understanding and an acknowledgment of how I was feeling and THEN he said "are you threatening me?".

WTF???? So I called him a twat and hung up.

This is really an awful situation. I just don't know how to resolve it. BB is still having to deal with a furious ex wife. Why can't they just get on with being deliriously happy in a new relationship and stop spitting chips left right and centre. It's just so damaging and negative.

My street-wise friend advised me to talk to my daughter. I told her that her father didn't believe me and that she needed to tell him the truth. I then gave her the options again. " I really don't mind if you spend the night at his house. We could all come over with your presents in the morning and have breakfast there" (how grown up was that?).
"No mum, I really want to stay at home" she said. So we discussed the situation and I told her that honesty was the best policy and that she should always be true to herself and not worry about trying to please both parents. It must be a nightmare for children of separated families to try and keep everybody happy. I suspect he'll still think I was lying and that I've manipulated the situation but I can't do anything about that.

I thought things were meant to get easier. This is an ongoing nightmare. Everyone has lost the plot.

I just don't know what to do.

"ME AND MISS M" BY JEMMA FORTE

Last night I went to a book launch. Not just any book launch you understand, but the launch of new novel written by one of the girls in our book group.

She is the latest addition to our book group. Ridiculously young and gorgeous and enthusiastic and clever and I am SO jealous.

The event was in Waterstone's in The King's Road. It was packed. She was in her element and we all bought at least one book for her to sign. We then went next door to Pizza Express and had a post launch party downstairs.

JOHNNY VAUGHAN WAS THERE!! He even mentioned it on the radio this morning.

I am so proud of her and although I haven't read the book yet, it's being released today, so I wanted to mention it.

Maybe you could look out for it.

This is what the blurb on the back says:-

Struggling actress Fran has always had stars in her eyes but with a part in a car insurance ad as her only claim to fame, making it big is starting to look unlikely.

So taking a job as PA to Caroline Mason - one half of Hollywood's most famous couple - seems like a fantastic opportunity. Especially when Fran's first encounter with Caroline's sexy, Oscar-winning boyfriend involves him wearing nothing but a tiny towel.....

But Fran's new job is far from glamourous as she spends her days fetching neverending venti quattro decaff skinny lattes and being an all-round slave to a demanding, botoxed diva. And when the job starts costing Fran her friends and the man of her dreams, she has to ask herself - is it really worth it?

The time has come for Miss M to find out a few home truths, and for Fran to win back her Mr Right....

MUMMY BLOGGERS

What a great article India Knight wrote in the Sunday Times magazine all about Women's Blogging. I sent her a tweet. It said "Great article. Thanks for explaining why I blog. I shall photocopy and hand to parents when they next ask me wtf I'm doing".

It really did put my little blog into a greater perspective and it was interesting to read that in her opinion the rise of the "mummy blogger is as epoch-defining as anything that Marilyn French or Betty Freidan every came up with". Perhaps she's right and it's the new modern "sisterhood - or a disparate, chaotic, joke-loving version of it".

I agree wholeheartedly with everything she wrote. About how the online world has provided a voice to the ordinary woman. About "where there was isolation, there is kinship and solidarity, where there was bleakness there is humour, where there was need, there is help offereed, where there was sadness, there is support".

Without doubt, my blog has helped me get through my ongoing trauma of divorce. When I started, my blog was a sad little voice in the wilderness. In a tentative and terrified gesture I threw it out there and echoes slowly began to resonate back to me. It took a while, but eventually I found that the blogosphere provided an enormous safety net for me. A place in which I felt able to vent my anger and peel back the layers of my grief without being judged. In the two and a half years I have been blogging I have had one nasty comment and several irrelevant comments - other than that I have had nothing but well considered advice and support. I have made many new friends. I have been to Disneyworld with six other fantastic bloggers. I WILL get to meet my African blog mates one day. It has played a very big part in allowing me to find my sense of self again. As India points out I have felt "supported, befriended and not alone". For anybody thinking about starting one - just do it. It is not about being able to write. It is about the response you get with the comments. It is about being part of a new modern community.

I too have had my moments with my children. From time to time they think I'm a loser with imaginary friends and when I talked about meeting some blog mates they were horrified. They thought I was going to be kidnapped by a fat pervy old bloke in a bedsit and disappear forever. But isn't that the point? We as parents are fearful of the web for our children because we don't understand it. We are worried about their Facebook friends and comments. About who they talk to. But why should it be any different from blogging? Why shouldn't we embrace the global possiblities our little lives have to offer? As India says "blogging presents very 21st century opportunities for new friendships, both real and online". My African cyber connections have already allowed me to meet and have dinner with a Doctor when I was in Lusaka (which has resulted in the fact that I am now helping get football kit out to Zambia for several teams) and the safari in the Luangwa Valley I went on with my father this summer was chosen because of my blog friends.

I have made many friends abroad as a result of my blog and I believe there are huge possibilities to do extraordinary things through cyberspace. Sometime soon we will do more than write articles about products and places - the PR companies recognise that collectively we are a force to be reckoned with - we might have little voices, but we can make a bloody big noise if you put us together. According to the marketing world, we are the ones who can make things happen. The ones who book the holidays, buy the products, make the decisions.

Imagine all that power collectively? Imagine organsing whole schools of our children to swap places for a week? Imagine our own area twinned with an African city? Imagine us organsing our friends and family to go and mend walls, dig holes, educate children, teach sewing, reading, dancing, heart surgery and imagine what people in other countries could come and teach us?

We could actually Make A Difference.

I for one am very excited about the possibilities.

BIRTHDAY CAKE

I have just had dinner in my old, (much bigger) house. It was the house we had to sell when our marriage broke down. The last house we lived in all together as a family.

I don't suppose it's that common to sell a house and then get invited back into it. Normally, once you've sold a property, that's it, you never go back....but bizarrely the couple who bought our house became friends and then tonight another mutual friend had a birthday celebration there and so I was invited to the party.

We had a lovely evening. It didn't feel at all strange to be back. Which either means that I am finally moving on or that my brain cells have melted and I can't remember anything anymore.

My 9 year old son made a cake in honour of her birthday, but it wasn't quite up to his usual standard. I tried to look impressed, but he could see straight though me and frankly I think he was a little disappointed himself. "Sorry mum" he said, "but what you've got to remember is that I'm a nine year old boy and not Jamie Oliver, so what do you expect!"

Good point.